Wednesday, April 18, 2012


There are no absolutes, right? So I've decided it may be time to compromise on the question of whether public schools, courthouses, and other government buildings can post the 10 Commandments.1

Here's my offer:

  1. Believers get to post the 10 Commandments in a prominent place in government buildings.
  2. Stores, advertisers, and others who profit from rampant consumerism will be required to prominently display the commandment against coveting.
  3. Everyone in the following list will be required to get the commandment listed tattooed onto their forehead (along with the citation for Leviticus 19:28, just for the irony).
    • Newt Gingrich: the commandment against adultery,
    • All bankers: the commandment against stealing,
    • All soldiers and Florida gun owners: the commandment against killing,2 and
    • All trial lawyers (prosecutors, criminal defense attorneys, and civil litigators): the commandment against bearing false witness.

That oughta do it. After all, why tell the kids and the hoi polloi to follow them if the elites won't?

1 There are more than 10 individual commandments given in Exodus 20:1–17, and there are 3 traditional systems for compressing them into 10 units. We can let the various groups of believers fight amongst themselves over whose list gets posted.

2 If the believers insist that this commandment only forbids unjustified killing, then I'm OK with having the tattoo state Thou shalt not kill without a just and proper cause.

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